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The Real Jason Bay

They say Jason Bay is "boring". He wakes up every morning and puts on his pants just like the rest of us, except the way Canadians do it (don't ask). He goes to work where he hits 30 homers, bats .280, steals some bases without ever getting caught, plays great defense with no arm, and quietly dominates.

But he's not exciting, right? He doesn't have the flare of Manny, correct? He is not intimidating enough to bat clean-up, or even in front of J.D. Drew, yeah?


I met Jason Bay in Florida a few years ago. He was water skiing through the Everglades on the backs of two crocodiles he had wrestled into submission. He was going about 70 miles an hour behind an air boat. He was only using one hand because the other one was used to chug beers.

The Jason Bay I know stole a car from a monestary, gave it back, then stole it again because he was bored.

The Jason Bay I know climbed Everest in flip-flops. He showed the sherpa the best way up and let the little Nepalese guide ride on his back as they slid back down to the camp from the summit.

The Jason Bay I know was clinically dead for 3 weeks as a way of resting after a crazy weekend in Vegas.

I wish you knew Jason Bay like I know Jason Bay. If you did, you'd realize he's a star - and a heck of a fire-eater.


Matt said…

well played, waldorf.
Elizabeth said…
you're funny

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